Watch Out For The Tidal Wave!
Have you ever had something that you had to bring up to someone that was not the most pleasant of things to share? I mean you knew that you had to share some things that might not go over so well but you knew that it was necessary and just thought it would be a great growth experience for both of you, right? I know I sure have and sometimes I was surprised by the reaction. It was like throwing a pebble in a pond and getting a tidal wave from out of nowhere. You are left wondering where in the world that response came from as you stand there soaking wet, nearly drowned.
Whenever you see someone go from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds flat it is because you have hit their core fear. We all have “triggers” or fears that we have to recognize are there. It is not everyone else’s responsibility to tiptoe around our core fears, it is our job to manage them. It is our fear, our button, our trigger and we cannot place the blame on someone else even though it might feel really good to do so. I mean heck can’t we just blame that person for hurting us? Isn’t it their fault? Didn’t they MAKE me feel this way? Wasn’t I doing just fine until THEY came along and hurt my feelings?
I read a great book years ago called, The DNA of Relationships, and in that book it goes over core fears very explicitly. It lets you know how to recognize them and how to get rid of them. The goal is to know what core fears we have so we can be fully aware of what will press our buttons and then ultimately what will cause those fears to not have dominion in our lives any longer. Love is at the root of getting rid of all core fears.
At Freedom House one of our pillars is Healthy Relationships. Don’t think that when I say that I am saying that is an easy thing to accomplish, in fact it is not at all. It requires intentionality, diligence and persistence. It requires a great deal of strength and maturity to confront painful fears. It is not for the faint-hearted. It is not for those who don’t want to lay on the operating table and let God be in control. When you allow Him full access to your heart, He will surely take full advantage of it and He does not promise that it will be pain-free.
Truthfully, if we don’t know how to be in right relationship with each other, we don’t know how to be in right relationship with God. Our relationships will mirror our walk with God. If someone cannot share something with you without your feathers getting all ruffled, I can tell you that will be your same response when God tries to correct you. Maybe it was God that was correcting you when that person put a pebble in your pond.
All I can tell you is that I have been both. I have been the pebble-thrower and I have been the one who responded with a tidal wave before. We all have a choice with how we handle relationships. You won’t get it right all of the time but there are some things you must ask yourself. Do you chosse to grow? Do you choose to walk in maturity? Do you choose to let God have full access to your heart? Do you choose to let love reign in your life? Do you choose Healthy Relationships?