What I Do Go Through Is………

As I talked about yesterday, there are feelings that pastor’s wives go through. The top one is being lonely. I so get that but let me share with you what my top feeling is. I mean if this blog is called Confessions Of A Pastor’s Wife, shouldn’t I confess? I often go through feelings of being misunderstood. As a matter of fact I am not sure a day goes by where I do not feel that in some shape or fashion. I hate to admit that but it is true.

Why? I can tell you why but giving you examples might help you understand it a little better.

1. I am not omnipresent like God. I cannot be at every baby shower, I cannot answer every email and I cannot return every phone call. Not because I don’t want to but because I have a wonderful team of people around me who want to make sure that my role as a wife and as a mother do not suffer. It does not mean that I do not care about you or have anything against you.

2. I am not “on” all the time. If I did not get a chance to say hello to you in the hallway at church it is not because it was not my heart to. Sometimes it is just a matter of I need to get my girls out the door for cheerleading practice or after sitting through three services I just need to find a bathroom quickly. I am for you and I do love you very much.

3. I am not typical. I am not your typical pastor’s wife and quite frankly do not want to be. I live life loud, I laugh loud, I talk loud, I am just a very high energy person who loves to see life in a vibrant way. I may not be like the sweet, quiet pastors wife you may have been familiar with, but I truly am happy to be who God made me to be. I want to rejoice in the fact that God is not a cookie-cutter kind of God. He likes variety and takes pleasure in it.  The things I love to do are to communicate to large groups of people, lead, teach, network and problem solve. Those are the things I am good at and I like to stick to those even if it does not fit a mold you may have been familiar with from your past church.

4.I have issues too. When I hurt or go through something I want to know people are there for me too. I try my best to let people know that I am there for them when they go through something but don’t necessarily feel the same liberty when I go through something. I am human and don’t always feel I am allowed to be/say how I feel without being critiqued. I am not perfect and never have been. Although people say they know that, I still feel they are shocked when faced with my humanity.  I tend to stay very guarded except with a small few. That might be a contributor to most pastor’s wives being so lonely too, just a thought.

5. Unmet expectations lead to disappointments. A pastor’s heart is designed to want to help people. That is my passion. I want to help people. There are times though where I can’t and it leads to disappointments in people. If you feel God spoke to you that I am supposed to mentor you each week but He never told me that, there is room for disappointment. I learned a long time ago that pressure to do something He has not told me to do will only result in my demise. I have to be careful to make sure that I am hearing His voice louder than any other. Sometimes those unmet expectations can result in pain for people and I hate that but I would rather have you mad at me than God if I had to pick one.

6. You might not understand my motive. I am pretty precise most of the time when I do the things I do. As a leader I have to maximize most anything that I can and it may not always be understood. For example, on Sunday mornings I stay focused on those who walk in the door that may not know Jesus. I am on a mission. I want them to know we love them and care for them. It is my desire to see them snatched from the devils kingdom and added to God’s. That window is very small. They are usually the first ones out the door each week, so as soon as church is over I go after them before they can “escape”. I often have people who want to tell me a story or ask me to pray over them for a specific reason as soon as church is out. I love to hear stories and I love to pray over people but that is why we have our Life Group leaders come up front. They can pray for you with just as much impact. I want to go after those whose eternal life is dangling in the balance. I am VERY passionate about that. It is not that I am insensitive and don’t want to hear your story or pray you though something, honestly I do. But there are people there in the front each week who can do an amazing job at that while I focus on those who are far from God. I am driven by purpose.

So know that because my heart is for God’s people, it is my desire to serve you in any way I can. I want to be the best pastor/pastor’s wife that I can be. I want to be a godly example to you, I really do. I also know by the fact that I am human that you might not always understand my motives or intentions but please never underestimate my heart for you. I count it a joy to pray for you and serve you in the way that I do. I love to see your smiling faces come through the door each week and it lights me up when your kids hug me around my neck. That is extreme joy. My heart is for you and your family and always will be. We are building the Kingdom together and I would rather do nothing else with my life than join my husband to pastor Freedom House Church!

I love you!

P.S. Feel free to comment if you feel there is something I should have added. My husband actually added #6. Hope this helped you get inside my head a bit.


~ by pennymaxwell on February 26, 2009.

6 Responses to “What I Do Go Through Is………”

  1. I’m guilty of grabbing you up after a service cuz you’re just so darn great!! You’re hard to resist!!!!!
    Thanks for being you! We’ll all try to share you, just know it’s hard to do!!!!!!

  2. Joyce I LOVE to talk after service. I usually like to talk after I grabbed all those people who are trying to bolt for the door! I tell our leaders that I can talk to them any ole time, they have my heart and attention always. Those who are yet to be saved leave quickly and after I grab them and love on them I am “free to roam”! 🙂

    It is just my heart to so anything in my power to see people who are far from God come to know him. As I said, I AM ON A MISSION!

    P.S. I had such an awesome time with your daughter last night, she is one amazing girl!

  3. When I think of being in ministry or any public profession to me its called ” sticking your neck out”. You can’t get away from it. Its part of the price you will pay. But what is the alternative? To hide your talents? I think this is a time of tremendous shaking in almost all areas of our lives . Whatever can be shaken will be shakened. The word I hear is that His winnowing fork is in His hand. He is seperating the wheat from the chaff in our hearts. Anything that is not from Him has to go! This also applies to our economy right now. And for those of us being shaken financially I beleive HE will show us what to do. He has a plan… It is not a time to be afraid!

  4. I always “feel” you while you are sitting in front of me most Sundays. I often have wondered about the load you carry and how it affects you. Thank you for sharing these items and being vulnerable about it all. You teach the rest of us that we also can be transparent, and that God loves us the way we are uniquely HIS and that’s all that matters in the grand scheme of things. If there is anything that I can do to help you in any way, I would be honored to aid in God’s mission at Freedom House. I mean that with my whole heart. You have been obedient to God in regard to my life and it has changed the trajectory of my life dramatically this last year and a half. I am eternally grateful for the joy and freedom that I have now. I cannot express it enough. Thank you for being uniquely YOU!!!

  5. I love you Pastor Penny!!!!!!

  6. Thanks you guys for letting me share my heart. It means a lot. Kathy, you already do the greatest thing in the whole world for me and my family. You support us and you pray for us. It used to be when someone said, “Hey Pastors we are praying for you!”, I would think, “aw isn’t that sweet.” Now I want to grab them, hug them and say thank you so so so much!

    I honestly feel so blessed to be a part of Freedom House. You guys make me smile!

    I love you guys too! 🙂

    Oh and again, thank you for letting me share my heart. It is not easy at times for fear of being misunderstood again, but I am learning to push past that. Yep, I am still learning lots of stuff too!

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