Am I Lonely?


As I type this I am sitting in a hotel room In Dallas, Texas. I am finishing up at a Pastor’s Conference with my husband. One whole session yesterday was all about the Pastor’s Wife. In that session it was said that the loneliest seat in a church is the one that the pastor’s wife sits in. How she often feels alone, isolated, abandoned and forgotten. They began to talk about how so many pastor’s wives have to endure so much and no one ever knows as she silently sits feeling forgotten and alone.

I appreciate all that they said because Troy and I have always had a heart to not only minister to the people at Freedom House but we feel called to other pastors as well. We love to be there for other church pastors because our heart is all about the local church. I have seen what they were talking about over and over. I have seen so many lonely pastor’s wives. Here is why. Quite often the senior pastor is so busy with God’s bride that he forgets his own bride. That priority can and should not be out of whack. Ministry should never come before family. In many cases the church/ministry has become that “other woman”. Ministers have been committing an adulterous affair with another Man’s bride. If you husband is a pastor, YOU are his bride, not the church he shepherds. The church is God’s bride and any time that is not in proper order, something will suffer. Your family is the most important thing you have. If that is not in order it really is no consolation prize to say you have a church of 50,000 people, is it? But yet your marriage is at best a C and your children are lukewarm after watching their dad give all his time to another bride rather than his own. I mean how can a woman, married to a man doing “God’s work”, even think she can compete with that? Compete with God? No wonder so many pastor’s wives feel so alone. To even imagine competing for someone who is trying to do good and grow the kingdom of God would leave you feeling like you are being selfish. But really, if your marriage is getting the kind of attention it needs, the church will be operating from an overflow and nothing could be better for the kingdom than healthy people in the pulpits.

I feel that is why I am not a lonely pastor’s wife. I saw so many women go up to get prayed for and my heart just broke. Now don’t get me wrong. We all go through times where we can feel lonely or hurt. I have certainly had hurts and pains to deal with in ministry but I have never been forgotten about and left alone by my husband. Tomorrow I will share with you the feelings I do go through and how I am processing them. I have a long way to go in that aspect for sure.

So… if you are a pastor’s wife and you are reading this, take an inventory and maybe talk to your husband. See if your priorities have gotten out of balance. You marriage is so important. The people you are leading need to see a godly example in the pulpit of a husband and wife who are committed to each other and consider their marriage and family a priority.

Oh and husbands, this does not just apply to those in ministry. Your marriage should come before your hobbies, career and any thing else that might try to take it’s place. Your family needs you.

Take an inventory, how are you doing?


~ by pennymaxwell on February 25, 2009.

3 Responses to “Am I Lonely?”

  1. I completely agree. My wonderful husband is so great about reminding me that I always come before his ministry. This makes it so easy for me to support him and come along side him to minister with him. I am definitely not lonely and pray that the pastor’s wives who are can be bold enough to speak up to their hubbies and let them know how much they need them.

  2. And the people say–YES–it is a great example and witness of how a relationship should be for everyone. Unfortunately I have been in churches where the Pastors personal relationship was out of balance and it really can have a negative impact on the rest of us.(& them in the end) Thank God for Pastor Troy and Pastor Penny not only as Pastors, but as people and a couple. Awesome!!

  3. Penny,
    You are such a sweet wonderful soul. I have been doing a blog on pastors wives…..
    I checked yours out……and think its wonderful

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