How To Battle Rejection In Marriage
The deepest need all of us have in life is love. And because love is our deepest need, our greatest fear is rejection. In marriage, we seek a lifelong companion who will help meet our love need. Even though only God can meet that need on the deepest level, our spouse is the second most important source in life for intimacy and faithful love.
We need to understand how profound our responsibility is to our spouses to make them feel significant and loved. We are God’s primary human vessel to reveal His love to them. Truly, this is how we can know that we are succeeding in marriage. When our spouses are experiencing God’s love through us, we are hitting the mark and will have a healthy marriage and a happy spouse.
However, when we aren’t paying proper attention to the love needs in our spouse, they will begin to feel rejected. This is one of our most primal responses when we feel as though we are being ignored, taken for granted, or put in second place. Men feel rejected when their wives aren’t sexually responsive or are putting the children or other things before them. Women feel rejected when their husbands are emotionally passive toward them and show greater interest in work, friends, sports, or something else.
When we feel rejected, we often respond in unhealthy ways. Some people respond openly with graphic complaints and open displays of anger. Others internalize their rejection and become passive-aggressive (retaliating through negative behaviors without openly admitting their anger) as they silently withdraw their affections.
When you are feeling rejected by your spouse, you need to tell them in a loving manner. Tell them specifically what they are doing that makes you feel the way you do. As you are telling them, don’t make threats or raise your voice. In fact, it is a crucial time to communicate your love and commitment to the relationship.
If they don’t respond as you would like, you need to keep loving them faithfully. Don’t fight fire with fire. You’ll only get a bigger fire. Love your spouse and show them the kind of love you want from them. Also, pray for them every day. This is what Karen did for me and it was the key to God changing me and turning our marriage around.
The last resort is to go for help to a Christian marriage counselor or a pastor. It is best if you go together, but, even if you go alone, it can give you the strength to stand for your marriage.
Prioritize your marriage above everything else except for God. Never take each other for granted. Be verbally and physically affectionate. Let your spouse know every day how much they mean to you. It will keep the passion in your marriage strong as it vanquishes the spirit of rejection.
This blog post was written by Jimmy and Karen Evans of Marriage and Family Today. For more resources or information check out their website. You will find invaluable information there to help your marriage stand strong! www.MarriageToday.org
So what crossed your mind today as you read this post?