Facing My Fears Is Painful
I was reading in John chapter 11 this morning. I see myself in that scripture. I see myself doubting and not trusting God like I should. Let me explain.
If you read in John 11, Jesus is telling his disciples He has to go back to Judea because Lazarus is dead. When in Judea before, they tried to kill Jesus so the disciples freaked out at having to return. They had had a particular experience there before so they feared going back again. Been there done that, right? They told Jesus that Lazarus would get well so they did not need to go back but Jesus responded in faith. They told Him that He was going to get stoned if He went back, but Jesus responded in faith again. Then lastly, Thomas (poor Thomas always gets the bad wrap) said, “Hey let’s go with Jesus so we can all just die with Him”. Again, they were in total fear even though Jesus kept on and kept on telling them it was going to be ok.
In this scripture I saw a few things. I saw Jesus saying, “This is the plan, you need to face your fear and cast it out”. I also saw His repeated attempts to explain the situation to the disciples and get their faith kicking in. I also saw me; hiding and trembling in these scriptures.
This holiday season I have had to face a lot of fears. Fears with family situations, fears with friend situations, and fears from my past I thought I had buried. And quite frankly, fears of not wanting to revisit painful places again, ever. This has been excruciating. I don’t like it at all. As a matter of fact I would rather just “not even go to Judea cause I have been there before”. Why not just move on and just avoid Judea, there are lots of other places to go, right? Because God has been and is trying to get me to face my fears. How can His perfect love cast it out if I won’t even acknowledge that it is there? If I won’t even revisit Judea, how can he resurrect what has died there? Yes there is death awaiting in Judea and the stench is very strong but God resurrected Lazarus and He can resurrect my deal too. If I let Him.
Will you go to Judea so Jesus can resurrect you too?
In that same chapter of John, we see Jesus proclaim that He IS the resurrection and the life!