Friendships with the Pastor Pt 3

Here are a few more points on the friend/pastor relationship from Craig at Life church. Since we left off with number 7 we will pick up with 8.

8. We love talking to the real you. Many people show us a spiritual front. Truthfully, we’d rather see your dark side than a fake spiritual one. Thank you for being yourself!

9. We are slow to open up. It is not because of you. We’ve been hurt many times by people who say the same things you are saying to us. Give us time.

10. If we can’t be close to you, it doesn’t mean we don’t truly love you. We only have room for a handful of very close friends. We simply don’t have the time or energy to be close to tons of people. Please don’t take it personally.

11. Please don’t try to use our kids to get to us. We love our kids and don’t want anyone to use them. Our kids also can’t go to every kid’s birthday party from the church.

12. If we ever say “no” to you, please understand that it is very hard for us. We want to serve you. We want to minister to you. We want you to like us. Sometimes, we simply can’t do everything. We hope you understand.

13. More than anything, we want to represent Christ to you. When we let you down (and we will), we pray you will show us grace.

14. We want you to know that we value your prayers more than you will ever know.

15. When you do become our close friend, you are an answer to prayer and a gift from God!

I would love to hear from a members perspective.  What are your thoughts about friendship in ministry?  How have you dealt with it?  Let me know.


~ by pennymaxwell on February 23, 2008.

6 Responses to “Friendships with the Pastor Pt 3”

  1. I have to be very very honest and tell you to post this is very hard for me to do. Even though I did not write it, all pastors pretty much go through the same things and it feels as though I unzippered my chest and allowed everyone to see inside when posting this.

    Although these things are all true, my heart is to always let the promise of the call be greater than the pain of the call. I don’t ever want to pull away because I have been hurt. Truthfully, the people at Freedom House have been pretty darn amazing. You guys make me feel special and I apprecite you very much! Thanks for allowing me to be human and it being ok.

  2. Awesome, Penny! Thanks for sharing this. I had an uncle who was a pastor, but didn’t always do a great job of keeping his family first. He was a great man, but I think it was easier for him to let his family down, thinking they understood that his time away from him was part of his “calling”. Their family life appeared wonderful from the outside, but was falling apart. My 2 cousins rebelled in every imaginable way! One has returned to the church, the other is still struggling many years later. That is a HUGE price to pay for not being able to tell others “no”. You & Troy HAVE to keep your family as your FIRST God-given responsibility. Thanks for the insight into your humanness!

  3. My uncle was also a pastor. I grew up in his church until he felt
    called to another city 1 1/2 hours away. I hated it. He left a very fulfilling ministry, always being able to reach the lost, able to have the freedom to preach what God wanted for the church, just an awesome church body. After being gone for 3 years to a very difficult church, a church that kept God in a box and kept my uncle on a short leash, the devil stole him through suicide in 1989. He was only in his late 30’s. I will never understand why God had him at the church if they didn’t want what he had to offer but, thankfully his 3 children are serving the Lord now. They all went through a turning away, but, God is good.
    So, I really do appreciate the freedom of worship, the awesome messages and the love you have for your church. You can feel it. And thank you for your honesty in relationships. I think I had said it in another blog that you both are so wonderful that I can understand why EVERYONE would LOVE to be ya’lls very best friends but, God has each and veryone of us in people’s lives for the person that they need to be there for. Sometimes it’s hard because we want more than what God has for us in that area, but, if we try to make it more than what God’s purpose is, there will be pain anyways,so, let God be God and see what He has in all your relationships. He has the perfect friends for each of us!!!!

  4. I am sorry to hear about your uncle. I am glad his family has bounced back from that heartache. God will never waste a hurt.

    Thanks Joyce for your comments. I think the hard thing for me is I want to be everyone’s best friend because I love people so much but I have got to go with the quality vs. the quantity.

    I really appreciate you and your family. You guys are so great. Thanks for being there to encourage and pray for us. We really appreciate it!

  5. This was a great series of posts!! My husband and I became very close with our (used to be) youth pastor. Over the years I especially came to know, first hand, that he was “real people”. I lived with he and his wife from when I was about 16-19, then again after he married us, we stayed with him for the month between getting married and moving to NC. It’s SO true that pastors are real people and I really think it’s hard for people to understand that, this post is a great way to get that out! Bill and I SO appreciate you and Troy. You are amazing people – and pastors – and we look forward to growing in the church (and out of church) with you guys! :o)

  6. Troy and I appreciate you and Bill! You guys are awesome!

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