I Am Ok With Hurting Your Feelings!

I have a good friend who has a similar call in life that I do, which is to help people lead successful Christian lives. He said something powerful today and I want to share it with you. He said, “One of the most loving things you can do is to hurt someone’s feelings.”  He went on to say that Jesus did it all of the time. He brought truth in situations where there was none and at times it hurt people. Jesus ran into a Rich Young Ruler who thought he had it all together. He thought he was doing everything to live a holy life. Jesus then pointed out the one thing that was really keeping the Ruler from becoming what Jesus knew he could be. So, Jesus told him to sell all he had to try to instigate this Ruler getting a clue that he was missing something. The Ruler had a choice to make. He could listen to what Jesus was trying to get through to him or turn the other way and stay the same. The ruler chose to stay the same and he went away sad. Jesus was sad too because He loved him. We also see in scripture where Jesus called a Canaanite woman a dog and the Pharisees a brood of vipers and frankly both of those comments could hurt someone’s feelings, but notice something in each situation. Those who had a right heart and an inclination to change did. You see when Jesus hurt people’s feelings they did one of two things, one group loves and one group tries to destroy or kill him (either physically or with their mouth). Jesus confronting people’s situations in love always provokes people to either work it out or blame and run.


I face the same situations many times as a pastor. People who attend Freedom House who are desiring of healthy relationships will have them and those who don’t won’t. There are times when it is necessary to hurt someone’s feelings so they will stop living in a façade like the Rich Young Ruler was. And yes those who don’t want to get healthy usually use their mouth to destroy just like they did to Jesus or they run. I want to be like Jesus in the fact that I am more concerned about whether He is pleased with me than winning a popularity contest. My heart is to see people grow in the things of God and when I see someone with a “Rich Young Ruler” complex it saddens me. I am sure it must have hurt Jesus too. My favorite part of ministry is to the “Canaanite” types, those who really have a heart to change and grow. I love to hear the story of her and how when Jesus confronted her deal she changed. That is healthy. I love it!!!

So what am I trying to say? I am ok hurting your feelings at times if it means you will grow closer to the Lord. As Jesus modeled, it is one of the most loving things I can actually do.


~ by pennymaxwell on February 5, 2008.

3 Responses to “I Am Ok With Hurting Your Feelings!”

  1. I love this! What a timely message Pastor P. There is such a call for the people of God to GET REAL! Is it easy? Not always, but the impact is So worth it. Honestly, it’s scary to most, including myself, when you pray…”God show me myself”. Sometimes, He will do that through the people who are the closest to us. Unfortunately, we don’t always receive, what we’ve asked for. To take it a step further, we lash out at the people who love us enough to be obedient to tell us such things in love. Our “natural” reaction is to “rebuke” them, or tell them what we think their problems in life are, instead of taking a step back to consider what has been said and even ask clarifying questions to understand. No one likes to be “pruned”, but God loves us enough to want to see us grow, I guess, the question is, do we trust God enough to get through the pruning process know that we will be the better for it. I love what you shared with me recently on the definition of a establishing a REAL relationship with someone…JAR (Join-Authenticity-Risk)! I can’t say I look forward to the “pruning” process in my life, which would be like saying “someone please stick me with a needle!”, but in both situations, the outcome is beneficial. Thank you for leading the way in showing us “real love”!

    P.S. You don’t have to release this for viewing, I just wanted to provide comments to you 🙂

  2. We weren’t saved when we moved here from Ohio. In those days, anything negative that was said to me on a personal level (especially by my husband) was received defensively. Not meanly or argumentatively, but with a bit of an attitude and with a chip on my shoulder. It wasn’t until we moved here, accepted the Lord as our Master and Savior, and really began to understand His love for us that things changed. Yeah, it still hurt when personal things were said, but one day I realized that everything was said out of love and in hopes of helping me grow in areas I obviously couldn’t see myself! It made it easier. It wasn’t easier to receive the criticism, but it was easier to understand. People weren’t picking on me or trying to change me and make me into something I’m not. They were trying to help me realize the woman God wants me to be…that He created me to be. I had to let God’s love fill me up so much inside that there wasn’t room for my ego or pride. I have finally realized that God loves me so much and has placed people in my life who love me so much (WOW)! How can I not listen, receive, and yes, embrace their criticism? Especially when it comes from the people who are closest to me and whom I trust (my amazing husband, wonderful friends, and yes, Pastor Penny!) The truth: Pastor Penny has hurt my feelings before. But I thank her for taking the risk, showing me God’s love, and helping me grow. I am a healthier woman because of it!

  3. Oh and just in case I made it seem that I have never gotten my feelings hurt, I have too. But as you Diana, I realize that those who love me most want me to be all tht God has created me to be. I thank those close to me for helping me to grow. It is actually very healthy and as you said removes any traces of pride. You and Deidra are so amazing. Great comments!

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